please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
