y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I supernannyed him into submission
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
