Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
