i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
