he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
