We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
