I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
this is an emotional support booty call
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
