Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They took my balls.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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