Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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