There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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