She is in my trunk
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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