Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
