ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
