and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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