yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
