I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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