Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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