ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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