Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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