it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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