Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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