Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
