I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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