Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
