I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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