I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
