Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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