You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
