I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
