Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
