just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
