Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
