Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
