Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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