Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
