Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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