you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
