I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
