you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
