I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
