Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
