i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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