Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
