You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
