i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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