He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
