i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
