Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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