He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
