My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
