Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
