you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
