you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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