Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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